Trouble in Paradise Redux
The astute reader may have noticed that despite the strange nature of many aspects of the land of Geltvelt, in certain respects it bears an odd resemblance to our own. Recent developments in this wonderful land are extremely alarming and the reader may become apprehensive that similar dangers could arise nearer to home. Such fears are certainly groundless. The circumstances and events I am about to relate are so fantastic that they could only be encountered in a place as bizarre as Geltvelt. Readers may rest assured that nothing of the sort could ever happen in our world.
Revolutionary Ranting. That said, the reader should nonetheless be prepared to become apprised of most dangerous and disturbing developments. It is, of course, again the work of Bad Elves. Some of them have been claiming that they are the true gelt-wizards and the information that they offer is not simply magically conjured up, but is based on facts and common sense. Just how far from common sense these heretical ideas are will be evident from their central, shocking, and evil premise: that Trolls should be entirely exterminated! It should be noted that just at present they do not recommend actual assassination (they claim to dislike violence and war—some even secretly espousing the original seditious teachings of the Ancient Sage). Since what makes a Troll a Troll is the use of trollstuf to exact trolltolls and any Troll will become an Elf if forced to apply sheice to produce Manna, their proposal is heinous in its utter simplicity: confiscate their trollstuf! They absurdly argue that Trolls are unnecessary, that trollstuf should belong to the Elves who apply their shveice to it, and that trolltolls are nothing but robbery! They contend that trollstuf was named by the Trolls to justify their illegitimate ownership and that it should really be called elfstuf. Everyone, they insist, has both a right and an obligation help produce the MagicManna necessary for a comfortable life, and no one has the right to a “free ride” (which is what they call living on the fruit of trolltolls). They denounce “chance-taking” as an evil means of divesting Elves of their meager supply of glitter gelt, and claim that taking chances on prices in the part-market is no different from taking chances on the outcomes of mammoth races. They decry the War on Warfare as a fraud and say there is no reason that Reds, Greens, and Blues cannot live together in peace and harmony despite differences in habits and customs.
A Terrifying Turn. Remarkably, these dangerous and ridiculous ideas are becoming increasingly popular among the Elves, despite having been carefully and thoroughly taught how the welfare of the entire society, to say nothing of the security and well-being of these ungrateful Elves, depends totally on the care, generosity, and guardianship of the kind and noble Trolls. The outcome of this perilous situation is at the moment very much in doubt. It would be a dreadful shame indeed if such an idyllic paradise such as Geltvelt were to be destroyed by ingratitude and perversity. We can only pray that the authorities will be able to round up the Bad Elves and provide a lesson to the others by means of some mass public executions, and that the other Elves will finally come to their senses.
[Note: We are saddened to relate that since the above report was written things indeed have become much worse in Geltvelt. The revolution may tragically be succeeding, and the paradise that was Geltvelt may be no more. Travel has been suspended indefinitely.]
